I Want It Purkt-fit . . .

Our creation. Sun, stem & leaves courtesy of Avery.

Avery and I were doing some alphabet games on the iPad and her reward for playing such games is to be able to use the doodle app. Well, she wanted me to draw a horse and I told her that if I drew one, that she would have to draw one next. Tears. Streaming. Uncontrollably. "But mom, I can't."

What the heck. My child is an emotional wreck. This is a thought I have daily. I finally calmed her down and told her that her drawing does not have to be the best. She just needs to practice and practice and she'll learn to get better. "But mom," she said. "I want it to be purkt-fit."

Perfect. Crap. God gave me one of those people. Someone just like myself, just like Mike. One who places ridiculous expectations upon oneself. These people excel in school and measurable things. They also have self-induced ulcers. This was a key moment in understanding my daughter. In hindsight, it should have been obvious.

We've been trying to figure out why Avery has been disinterested in learning letters. When I'd ask her to sit with me or have a conversation about a letter, she'd rush off or tell me that she couldn't. Every letter was an "R" or and "A," sigh. I was pretty frustrated. Some told me that she's still young, others tried to hide their judgment when I confessed she had little interest.  Then I found myself face to face with my bookwormy friend Jessica's adorable 20-month-old. She was picking up blocks and identifying the letters that adorned their sides. I calmed my inner breakdown and found some genuine joy for my friend's genius toddler and reserved my mourning for a later time. (Love you Jess, E is amazing!)

So, I lay awake at night worrying with God if my daughter will be dyslexic or if we'll have to turn every letter into an animal. Praying that He will make me a mom that is ok with a C student if that's her best. Wondering how we'll manage if Nathan is an academic and Avery is not and making them both understand that their equally loved and valued.  Anyone else have ridiculous what if thoughts like I do? Meanwhile, God was orchestrating the horse drawing incident. It occurred the next day. The glorious epiphany.

I've since changed my approach to learning letters and numbers. She is immersed in them without knowing it. We have conversations about them. She's begun to have the confidence to identify them on signs, shirts and food cartons. We do an iPad alphabet or number game daily. I don't pressure her like before and I encourage her greatly when she's successful.

I think school has brought this need for perfection to the surface. She has 12 other peers to whom she can compare herself. She can see their "success" and compare her work. It was bound to happen, I just wish it was when she was a bit more reasonable.

I had a mid-year conference with her preschool teacher and revealed this new information to her. I'm so grateful for her 20 year experience. She nodded in realization. She showed me a self portrait Avery drew in July and one that she drew in January. The July portrait looked like a person, the January portrait looked like a blob of lines. I absolutely know that she thought she couldn't do it well, so she just didn't even try.

I can relate. There are a few things I didn't attempt in life because of fear of failure - playing college volleyball being at the top of the list. Now, how to teach her to cope with expectations of herself . . . so that she might have the fear, but still take the action.

Are there personality traits of yours that have surfaced in your kids? How have they manifested within their personality?