. . . and I didn't want to post until I had a good grasp on why I took a hiatus.
A few months ago, I stayed up well into the night hopping from mom-blog to mom-blog. This is always a dangerous game for me. Sometimes it's for fun. I keep finding links to fun things, new ideas and inspirational stories. The flip-side, however, is that I end up doing it out of frustration, exploring ideas with which I struggle or disagree.
The biggest area where this occurs for me is the topic of discipline. Before I go any further, I want to communicate that this post is not meant to attack, point fingers or start a debate. It is meant to be an honest reflection regarding an area in which other mom's might relate.
I always want to be better in the area of discipline. I have high expectations and don't always bring them into reality very well. I think I'm pretty gracious with my kids, but there are certain areas where I can grow, areas where I need to learn more patience and grace. I think we can all relate.
So, every now and then I go perusing online for new ideas to deal with certain behaviors. That particular night, I ventured around and found myself exploring blogs and sites that promoted no discipline. Apparently their children were always so happy and obedient. I eventually found myself completely frustrated and feeling like an ineffective, lazy mother. Then I was just infuriated. I couldn't put my finger on why, but a gloomy cloud stuck around for awhile. So, I stepped away from social media in general. I was so mad at the blogging world, I didn't want to experience anyone online. Extreme? Certainly, I have weird tendencies.
Tonight, against my gut, I went online searching for thoughts on discipline again. Nathan is getting to the stage where something needs to be done. He's very opinionated, knows what he wants and throws fits accordingly. I ventured onto some sites that promoted "gentle mothering" and "biblical parenting." In general, these forms of parenting are centered on directing, using positive reinforcement and grace driven. I actually liked and agreed with a lot of what they had to offer, but I was still dissatisfied. Then it finally hit me as to why I was so frustrated all those months ago - I have yet to hear a mom-blogger with those philosophies admit that parenting that way is HARD!
I agree that I should respond to my children using the fruits of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control. Unfortunately, responding that way is not my default. It can be exhausting and mind-numbing. It takes everything in me to bite my tongue and respond graciously when my kids have been whining all day. I would agree that Avery responds well and flourishes when I react with grace. I come to a more intimate place with God because I'm praying all day and I know He's pleased with me. But I break sometimes. I'll raise my voice or I'll use up my "no" quota by 9 am.
Judgment is not what I was hoping for from the mom-written blogs that promote biblical parenting. I didn't expect them to communicate that every family is different,
but families that spank don't truly know God. Some even stated that they never, ever raise their voice at their kids. Ever. Really? Never ever?
I was hoping for someone to say:
I parent this way because I know it models God's heart. It's as hard as hell and by 4 pm I'm ready to pass out. It's so rewarding, though. We've been so blessed. You should give it a shot.
What sorts of disciplinary tactics have you used?
Which were effective? Which were not?
Have you found an honest, mom-blog that you find encouraging?
